ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize