i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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