took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
