his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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