swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
