You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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