do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize