38 yer olds are good kisserssss
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
