Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
