She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
