new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bring money and cleavage
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize