I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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