When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
