I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
