As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
