Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
