if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
