I want to make a zoo with you.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
