Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
