Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
