if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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