i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize