I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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