So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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