She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
