I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
