Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize