Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
