Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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