the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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