I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
