Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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