i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
