if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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