Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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