dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
