Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
