I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
