He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
whose parrot is this?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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