I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize