Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
