Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
