I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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