I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
