He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
