So drunk its hurt
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
