**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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