I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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