I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
