I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize