Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize