Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
