Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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