I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
