think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize