I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
