yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got inside last night via doggy door
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
