it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize