UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
