I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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