i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Even my vagina gasped.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
