remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
