this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how do you play pong handcuffed?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
