well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Buhtt sex?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Too much gin, very little bucket
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
