I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
either way he was missing a nipple.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
