I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize