I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
