she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
