I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
