Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
