I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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