how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
