Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
