At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
