WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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