Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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