i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
