so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
worst night to have a conscience
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm at about main and main street
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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