I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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