Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
