did you get engaged???
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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