Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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