ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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