i permit you to call me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
