You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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