how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize