Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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