forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
