I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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