were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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