i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
