it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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