I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
