dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
