Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
