i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
