It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
