that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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