You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
