I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
