he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
