she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
