I must be too annoying 4 u.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
