He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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